What is Coaching?

Coaching is a Relationship.

Have you noticed that when you announce that you have a big goal or want to make a major change in your life, that announcement is often met with disinterest, resistance or even criticism from your closest family and friends? It’s puzzling, isn’t it? These are the people you always thought would be there for you. Even if they say they are supportive, there may be little energetic support for your new direction. There are many reasons why this happens. Sometimes it is because they do not have any knowledge in the area you want to grow. Fair enough. But, it is also possible that they unknowingly perceive a threat: that you will change too much and they will no longer be able to relate to you; that you are leaving the tribe, abandoning the tribe’s values and expectations; or it may be rooted in insecurities that your creativity or courage brings up in them. It’s not their fault. It has to do with the way human beings are wired for survival.

A coach can be a valuable ally on your road to somewhere new. A coach has no such attachments to keeping you the same. In fact, a coach is committed to your growth and your desire to create bigger possibilities for yourself. A coach is not there to judge your dreams. I have never met a coach that, regardless of their methods and expertise, did not share the same passion: human potential. Your coach is there to celebrate your willingness to advance yourself and move humanity forward in some way. Your coach is trained to notice the obstacles to your goals and help you discover ways to change course or grow past adversity from within or without. Your coach is a partner in your project; the part of your team that will help you assemble the rest of your team and resources, awareness and skills you need to succeed.

Coaching is a Conversation.

When you work with your coach, the conversation is about your projects and your relationship to many things, most notably: yourself, your circumstances and change. Ideally, it is a synergistic conversation in which new ideas arise and surpass the ideas that you or your coach could have created independently. Your coach is trained to facilitate a conversation that yields this kind of creativity and awareness. If you have ever heard the term "breakthrough," this is what it means. This kind of conversation with an engaged person supportive of your goals is what brings clarity and accelerates progress.

Coaching is a Commitment to You.

Deciding to hire a coach is a big step. It might feel like a failure to accomplish something that you should have been able to accomplish on your own. Asking for help is hard, harder for some. And while we might think that frustration could drive someone to hire a coach, the reality is that negative attitudes, especially about oneself, rarely enable a person to believe that they can break old patterns or that a new strategy will bring change. No, hiring a coach is an indicator that, despite any perceived failures, that you have at least a mustard seed of belief that you are worthy and capable of your dreams. You may have a small or inconsistent Commitment to You in the beginning, but with practice and a supportive coach who believes in you and your dreams, your Commitment to You will become louder.

How I work.

Typically, I meet with my clients weekly. Sometimes clients want to slow down. Some want to work weekly, especially when they are nearing the completion of a big goal or working through an area of adversity. Since coaching is meant to serve you, you decide how often you want to meet. I usually work with my clients by video call. Phone is also an option.

If you request a 20 minute discovery session, you will be sent a short questionnaire to help me understand your goals for coaching. After we talk and decide we are a good coach-client fit, you will be given an intake package and a password to access to your Client Portal for secure scheduling and payments. We can begin working as soon as you schedule your first appointment. Please see the Services page for more information.

I have a framework within which I coach. Early on, we will get clarity about the specific projects you have in mind. Each week, you will be asked to come to the call with a request for coaching. This is not set in stone, however, and might morph as we work through your session, all in service of you. I am trained in a number of modalities, philosophies, and tools to help create awareness and structure, and I introduce them when I believe they will be helpful. Lifelandscape is a whole life system philosophy. Creating balance and systems that work together is most effective for long-term success in intentionally creating a life that is characterized by thriving.

Who I work with.

I am happy to work with:

• Motivated clients who have a single goal, who want to accelerate their progress with powerful tools and accountability.

• Clients with a set of life goals that have been developing asymmetrically, who want a smoother, more integrated set of life systems.

• Clients who want to achieve and overall sense of health and wellness, mind, body and lifestyle.

• Clients with a complex set of life problems, that together can feel overwhelming, and who want support to define, track, navigate and find creative resolutions.

• Unique clients, some who have had difficulty finding people in their lives to understand and support them. These clients have goals, but a cookie-cutter coaching approach will not work for them. These clients need a coach who is flexible and up to date on the latest understandings concerning their needs. They do not need a coach who parrots pop-psychology or pseudo-spirituality from the internet. These clients deserve the support of someone who has been there, has sincere empathy, and believes that they are capable of achieving wholeness, whatever that looks like for them. For more information, you might also want to learn About the Trauma Informed Approach.

  • Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP): You probably know who you are. My beliefs around the topic of high sensitivity are based on the work of Elaine Aron, whose life work has been studying the approximately 15% of the population who have more highly sensitive nervous systems. This is not just a human trait; it is found in other species as well. I am an HSP. Heightened awareness is a blessing, but it can also be challenging, especially in the realm of being understood and accepted. With greater than average awareness, confidence making decisions can be difficult too.

  • Trauma Survivors: There is a strong connection between HSPs and otherwise gifted people and trauma. There is also a high incidence of survivors being re-traumatized by therapists, clergy and other helping professionals who are not trauma informed. Safety should always be a first priority. Learn more about the Trauma Informed Approach to Coaching here.

  • Relationship Abuse Survivors: There is so much information “out there” about why some experience abusive relationships, sometimes repeatedly. Though much of it is well-meaning, it often ultimately lays the blame on the survivor rather than providing deeper understanding and empowering education. Blaming, shaming and encouragement to “get over it” are simply not helpful. Read about a better way here.

  • Spiritual Abuse and Cult Survivors: Knowledge is the way to freedom. I have been a student of cult phenomena and cult-like groups since 1996 when I left a high-demand group. In my case, it was a church. Even if an organization is respected, leaders of local chapters can turn an organization into a controlling or abusive experience for members. Some self-improvement organizations, sometimes referred to as “white collar cults,” can also have this effect on unsuspecting participants. Spiritual abuse can happen within an organization, a family, or in a one-on-one relationship. Though circumstances are different, spiritual abuse generally follows the same recognized patterns of abusive systems. I can help you evaluate and navigate your situation in a healthy way. Learn more here.

  • Gifted: Some of the ways gifted people see themselves (and often feel misunderstood): too many ideas, interests or strengths to choose a direction; non-linear or multi-dimensional thinking; intellectually or spiritually insightful, having ideas that, if harnessed and organized, could become a book, or, maybe, change the world. I enjoy taking the time to understand how your system works. We can stop the "brain-wreck," sort your ideas, and design actionable steps to creative success.

  • Relationship Issues and Decisions: Relationships can be difficult. Awareness and the power of choice go a long way in realizing relationship goals. Relationships can support a client's vision or detract from it, sometimes in significant ways. Everyone I have coached, no matter their stated goals, relationships were always part of the conversation. There is just no way of getting around relationships being essential to the quality of our life experience.

Coaching ethics.

A rigorously trained coach will adhere to the Code of Ethics enumerated by the International Coach Federation (ICF), the gold standard in the coaching industry. ICF ethics are very similar to the ethics concerning confidentiality, respect, appropriate relationships, behavior, working within the scope and degree of training, and equality that you might find working with a counselor or therapist. A coach, however, is not a therapist and should never venture into therapeutic areas reserved for a licensed counselor. Under most circumstances, you can work with a coach while also seeing a therapist or counselor. At Lifelandscape, you can expect to be seen and heard for who you are and work at your pace. Our work is about your goals, not about anyone else’s agenda. You are never expected to tell your coach anything that you uncomfortable speaking about. Our conversations are confidential. Before we begin coaching, expectations of the coach and client are made clear and any concerns at the beginning or along the way will be addressed with timeliness and sensitivity. You can expect me to do my very best to use my training and insight to work in a way that blends with your learning and communication styles to formulate and achieve your goals. If for some reason I feel I am unable to help you achieve your goals, I will let you know as soon as it becomes apparent to me and, if I am able, will connect you with another coach with expertise in areas that will serve you.